The Empathy vs. Assertiveness Debate: Which Reigns Supreme in Leadership?

Bill McDevitt

Founder at Top of the World Coaching

Small business and leadership coach

The question of whether empathy or assertiveness is more crucial for effective leadership is one I've wrestled with, especially after a recent conversation with my mentor. He strongly favored assertiveness, a stance that, while seemingly harsh, deserves careful thought. It's not a simple choice; both traits have their strengths and weaknesses, and their relevance shifts depending on the situation, particularly in the business cycle. To really understand this, we need to consider the three distinct levels of empathy, and how we can foster a culture that moves from reactive to proactive collaboration, within the context of a leadership-team dynamic.

Drawing inspiration from Sir John Whitmore's coaching philosophy, I believe in shifting organizational culture from a reactive, dependent state to a proactive, collaborative one. This is achieved through:

• Awareness: Helping individuals understand their current behaviors and thought patterns.
• Responsibility: Empowering individuals to own their actions and decisions.
• Self-Belief: Building confidence and self-efficacy.
• Performance: Focusing on achieving results through collaborative effort.

This approach is essential for any leadership-team dynamic, as it cultivates a sense of shared purpose and accountability, which directly aligns with my 3 Ps: People, Profit, and Performance. A culture that values awareness and responsibility directly impacts all three of those aspects of business.

Now, let's look at the three levels of empathy, as they are commonly understood. These levels, cognitive, emotional, and compassionate, were introduced and defined by researchers like Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman, among others:

• Cognitive Empathy: This is understanding someone else's perspective – grasping their thoughts and viewpoints. In leadership, this is key for communication, negotiation, and strategic decisions, which directly increases performance.
• Emotional Empathy: This is sharing someone's feelings – feeling what they feel. It builds strong relationships, provides support, and creates a positive work environment, which is essential to the people aspect of business.
• Compassionate Empathy: This is going beyond understanding and feeling, to taking action to help. It drives supportive actions, creates a culture of care, and fosters ethical decisions, which strengthens the people side of the business, and also increases long term profit.

The Case for Assertiveness: Navigating Turbulent Waters (and its Risks)

Assertiveness, characterized by clear communication, decisive action, and a focus on goals, is vital during crises, rapid change, or intense competition. However, relying solely on assertiveness can be detrimental, potentially keeping teams stuck in impulsive or dependent stages, as described by Whitmore's performance curve.

• During a Downturn or Restructuring: Decisive leadership is crucial. For example, in a tech company facing declining sales, an assertive leader can make tough, necessary decisions quickly. However, without empathy, this can lead to resentment and decreased morale, directly negatively impacting the people within the organization.
• Driving Innovation and Growth: Assertive leaders push teams to innovate and take risks. For example, a startup leader sets ambitious goals and drives the team to achieve them. But without collaborative input, innovation can be stifled, decreasing overall company performance.
• Crisis Management: Assertive leaders take control and communicate effectively. For example, during a product recall, they act quickly to protect consumers. However, ignoring the team's emotional response can lead to long-term damage to the people within the business.

The Case for Empathy: Building a Sustainable and Thriving Organization

Empathy builds strong relationships and a positive work environment.

• Building Team Cohesion and Morale: Empathetic leaders create a supportive environment. For example, they support a stressed team. This directly impacts the people within the organization, and as a result, the overall performance of the business.
• Fostering Collaboration and Innovation: Empathetic leaders encourage open communication. For example, they foster a collaborative design team, increasing both people satisfaction and performance.
• Developing and Retaining Talent: Empathetic leaders invest in their team. For example, they help a high-performing employee grow. This increases the value of the people within the business and also increases overall profit.
• Navigating periods of stability and growth: Empathetic leadership is key during stable growth, as it focuses on the people within the company.

Finding the Balance: The Hybrid Leader - A Journey, not a Destination (and Whitmore's Performance Curve)

The best leaders balance assertiveness and empathy, and understand that leadership is a journey, not a destination. They recognize the need for a path to continuous improvement, both for themselves and their teams. Without this commitment to growth, leaders risk stagnation, or worse, having nothing more to offer their teams.

Whitmore's performance curve highlights the importance of moving from impulsive/dependent stages to interdependent ones. Assertive-only leadership risks keeping teams in those earlier, less productive stages.

• Situational Leadership: Leaders adjust their style to the situation. For example, they might be assertive with performance issues but empathetic during a personal crisis, using questioning techniques inspired by Whitmore's coaching to empower team members to find their own solutions, and move them up the performance curve. This is where my leadership pillar of flexibility is paramount.
• Emotional Intelligence: Leaders develop self-awareness and social skills. Whitmore's emphasis on responsibility and self-belief reinforces these traits and helps move teams toward interdependence. This relies heavily on my leadership pillar of self-awareness.
• Compassionate Assertiveness: The ideal is being firm but fair, relying on compassionate empathy, aligning with Whitmore's goal of creating interdependent teams. This is the place where all three of my leadership pillars, empathy, self-awareness, and flexibility meet.

Leadership-Team Implications:

• Leaders should use coaching principles, like those articulated by Whitmore, to help teams move from a reactive to a proactive mindset. This requires strong empathetic coaching skills.
• When building teams, prioritize individuals who demonstrate a willingness to learn, take responsibility, and collaborate.
• Leaders must commit to their own continuous development, just as they encourage it in their teams, to remain relevant and effective.

Key Takeaways:

• Empathy as the Foundation: Empathy, especially compassionate empathy, is foundational for strong leadership-team dynamics.
• Dynamic Assertiveness: Assertiveness adapts to the team's stage and challenges.
• The Power of Equilibrium: Balance between assertiveness and empathy is crucial.
• Compassionate Assertiveness: The Ideal: This is the optimal approach for effective leadership.
• Continuous Improvement: Leadership is a journey that demands ongoing development.
• Performance Curve Awareness: Assertive-only leadership risks stagnation and regression, keeping teams in impulsive or dependent stages.
• Leadership Pillars Alignment: My 3 pillars, Empathy, Self-Awareness, and Flexibility are essential for navigating this balance.
• Business Ps Integration: The 3 Ps of People, Profit, and Performance are directly impacted by the leadership style chosen.

Conclusion:

In the dynamic landscape of leadership, the debate isn't "either-or." Assertiveness is needed for standards, but empathy is needed for long-term success. By adapting our style, drawing on insights from figures like Sir John Whitmore, and aiming for compassionate assertiveness, we build strong, thriving teams. But more than that, we must recognize that leadership is a journey, not a destination. To remain effective and to continue to serve our teams, we must commit to continuous improvement, just as we expect it from them. We must also be aware of the performance curve, and how our leadership style impacts the progress of our teams. Ultimately, the best leadership balances people, profit, and performance, using my 3 pillars of empathy, self-awareness, and flexibility.

Hi, I’m Bill! I grow people so people can grow businesses. I’ve been working with small business owners and leaders for over 4 decades. My company, Top of the World Coaching, is here to help you reach your goals and summit your vision. Reach out today for a free complimentary Discovery Call and start your ascent to the top of your world.